Fleeting Uncertainties
by Golak
Summary: There are moments in life when you feel uncertain about everything and everyone. Especially "the" one. And if you allow yourself to go down that road...well, let's just say it won't be easy to go back to where you were! Usagi finds herself rooted in that very moment, uncertain and confused, and Mamoru helps show her how fleeting those uncertainties are.


Hi Everyone.

So I just wanted to write this story, because the plot was on my mind for a while now.

It's basically based on so many relationships I see around me. It certainly is like the relationship I have with my husband. So I wanted to share this little thing as a married woman of almost 6 years whose relationship is not always perfect. But we all do our best. And no matter how much we love our person, no matter how much they love us back, sometimes, some little things come between us and it is up to us to either kick them in the sheen or let them control our relationships.

So this little one-shot is a tribute to all the women and men out there who try every single day for their hearts and the love they feel inside. In today's world, we are constantly exposed to other people's private lives. And sometimes, we might lose ourselves in the lavishness of someone else's life. It doesn't matter if those images are the whole truth or not (you know how they say "don't ever compare your internal relationship with the outer layer of someone else's life?") what it matters is how you let those images, those paintings of a perfect life shape your story. Will you let it take complete control, or would you rather learn something from them, to better your own life?

Anyways, I talk too much! And it's night time in Vancouver so I can go on and on and on!

I hope you like this one-shot. I sure hope you do. But if you didn't, please leave me a review anyway.

By the way, If you're on Tumblr, please follow me! I'm a newbie and I really suck! No wonder why I don't have any social network profiles! I'm really bad at them!

So PLEASE, if you are a Tumblr fellow, follow me and tell me what they hell I'm supposed to do!

ID is **goligolak**

Cheer and enjoy the story.

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There are times in life when you feel absolutely blessed.

Like when you are walking to get a cup of coffee in the morning and the sun is shining bright but the weather is crisp and cool enough so you get to wear your cute off-the-shoulder sweater. That feeling you get when you finally get your large Mocha (let's face it, the one Usagi Tsukino can't just have regular, bitter, yucky coffee!) and the smell of flowers and plants from the gorgeous flower shop right beside the café breezes through your noise and tingles you with its freshness; that feeling of pure joy and happiness.

Usagi wanted to hold on to that feeling forever.

But then…in the back of your head, something pulls at you. A pale memory, a thought that you have tried to push back and lock somewhere safe, because deep down you know you shouldn't be thinking about it, it's just not worth thinking about it; because it's too stupid and childish…

But it resurfaces from time to time and too often, you find yourself agonizing about it more than you should.

That's exactly how Usagi caught herself feeling in front of her favorite flower shop, one large Mocha in hand.

Usually, when she caught herself going down "that" road, she would shake her head and move on. This was idiotic. It was foolish!

She had a great relationship with Mamoru; they were destined to be together; they were centuries' long lovers for Pete's sake!

So, what was wrong with her?

She took another sip of her Mocha and tried not to scrunch her nose against the slightly bitter taste of the coffee, _"Usa-chan, you're a grown up now. A grown-up who is destined to be the queen of earth and has sex regularly in the backseat of her fiancé's car,"_ Minako had told her, one perfect eyebrow arched and challenging, "I suggest less chocolate shake, more coffee and perhaps…" she pouted her lips flirtatiously and winked, "…more strawberries, if you know what I mean…"!

She rolled her eyes at the imaginary Minako and walked closer to the flower shop. This had become her usual Sunday morning routine for the past couple of months. Buying a Mocha (every _once in a while_, because hey, Minako wasn't there to judge, so she could enjoy a good old cup of hot chocolate whenever she wanted!) then walking into the flower shop, saying hi to Ito-senpai, buying a few branches of roses or tulips and then walk leisurely to the hospital where Mamoru was doing his internship.

They would usually spend a little time together, depending on Mamoru's schedule for the day. He would sometimes introduce her to a patient who he assumed was desperate for a friendly face like Usagi's. Someone who needed Usagi's smile and bright eyes to know that a whole world was still out there, "waiting for them to get better and enjoy it to the fullest"; that was Usagi's favorite motivational line after all.

She usually walked towards the hospital in her typical Usagi fashion; hopping and tripping. Moving her flower-holding hand like a child would their school bag!

But on this particular day, she found herself mooching! She wasn't sure what that word meant, (Ami-chan had said it once or twice!) but if it meant walking slowly and unsurely and without enthusiasm, then yes, she was definitely mooching!

"_Where is this coming from Usa?"_ the memory of Mamoru's confused face re-emerged, "it's just…it's, ah, just forget it. It's not important," she remembered her lame answer. Why was it so hard for her to communicate with Mamoru all of a sudden? He had asked, why didn't she just tell him what the problem was? Did _she_ even know what the problem was?

Usagi closed her eyes and halted her tracks, "aaaaah, this is not helping," she opened her eyes and immediately turned crimson when she met the middle-aged woman's bewildered stare! Had she said that out loud?!

She looked at her watch and sprint into one of her usual runs! Mamoru had to start his rounds soon, which meant she was _super _late!

"I thought you were a no-show today," Mamoru met her with that familiar smile. The small, barely noticeable uplift of his lips that seemed always plastered on his face whenever he looked at her. A comfortable, happy smile… "not flirty…never flirty," the thought just randomly entered Usagi's head and she felt her cheeks burn. Could he read her mind, like he usually did?

"Hot chocolate?" he asked with a knowing gaze, "Mocha, I'm meeting Minako after. The crazy might smell my breath again!" she sighed with exasperation.

Mamoru laughed light-hearted and threw his arm around his petite wife-to-be, "she _is_ a little crazy…" then, "don't tell her I said that…"

Usagi smiled and allowed him to walk her to the small tables at the reception.

They usually sat there talking about their week. Since Mamoru's graduation and the start of his internship, they hadn't been able to see each other as they used to. He was always busy with shifts and she was busy trying to graduate with a relatively good average. It took her a while, but she finally decided that the future queen of earth probably had to have _some_ relative education in the field and much to her disappointment, an avid "manga reader" was not considered "relative"!

But today, she found herself void of her usual eagerness to tell Mamoru _everything _about the week she had. She was just... tired! And she didn't even know why.

It's true, it was Ami's birthday the other night and they'd gone out for dinner, followed by dancing and karaoke. But since Mamoru had a shift and couldn't go, Usagi had gone home much earlier than everyone else.

It was a fun night though. And Ami's boyfriend, Hayate, was awesome! She'd been dating him for a few months now. He was doing his masters in architecture and had met Ami randomly at a family Mart! Which actually spoke a lot about his personality. Because he was super friendly and could start communicating with anyone just like that! He'd been able to break the ice with Ami in less than 10 minutes at the beverage aisle, a fact that he was so proud of!

And they all loved him. He was nice and kind and it was obvious how much he adored their Ami-chan. And in their group, whoever loved one of them was loved by every single one of them in return.

"How was the birthday last night? Did Ami-chan like her gift?" Mamoru asked. He could tell that Usagi was distracted. She wasn't being he cheery self. Plus, she hadn't interrogated him about his late shift, working alongside female doctors and nurses! Add to that, she had barely made any eye contact with him since she'd arrived! He assumed she would be a little upset about his absence last night, but this was just too weird!

"It was fun. She _loved_ her gift. She actually tried it on right there and then," she was playing with her empty cup on the table, "she especially liked her initials on the chest pocket," she looked up and gave him a little smile, "good call on that by the way," she looked away as soon as he smiled though, but before Mamoru could comment on her strange behaviour, she started giggling, "what?" he asked and nodded to one of his colleagues who passed them by, "what's so funny?"

"Oh, Hayate-kun is so funny. I mean thank God he and Minako aren't a couple because they would've been Ami-chan's worst nightmare," she giggled again, "he's always making suggestive comments too, you know? And last night, oh my God," she laughed a little harder, "when Ami tried on her scrubs, he just looked at me with these puppy eyes and was like 'couldn't you have at least bought her one of those sexy fantasy scrubs?' oh my God, Mamo-chan, you should've seen Ami-chan's face, hahahha," she continued her laughter and didn't notice Mamoru's soft chuckle and the way his eyes roamed her face. For all their banters and him making her mad (she looked damn cute when she was furious!) this was his favorite Usagi face. When she laughed this free he could see her for who she should have been if the concept of utopia was real; a normal young girl whose shoulders didn't bear the responsibility of the whole world. "What?" Usagi asked. He was probably staring, "nothing…" he nodded and smiled, "what else did you do?"

"We went to that karaoke bar, you know, the one Mako-chan used to work at," she didn't wait for Mamoru's nod of confirmation, "we sang a little. I mean, Hayate-kun even got Ami to sing. Can you believe that?" she leaned forward a little and looked up at Mamoru, "really? How did that go?" he was looking at her and she could tell that all his attention was on her; but…there was still something missing. Interest perhaps?

Usagi continued regardless, though, her previous excitement dropped a little, "yeah, and he even sang a duet with her…" she put one tiny hand under her chin and stared at the empty cup she was still holding, "and the way he looked at her during the song…I mean, Rei-chan sighed, can you believe it? She sighed with this dreamy look on her face. You would expect something like that from Mina-chan, well you know, being the senshi of love and all, but from Rei-chan? It was really something," she sighed and fell silent.

Mamoru was observing her closely. He'd been watching her closely ever since she had started recalling the events of last night.

He'd actually seen the same look and heard the same longing in her voice ever since Ami had started dating Hayate. Usagi would always praise their relationship with the same intensity. And whenever they were all together, Mamoru could see how closely Usagi observed the new guy and the way he interacted with Ami.

His immediate reaction, well _feeling_ more than reaction, was being uncomfortable. He was not used to Usagi paying this much attention to anyone else besides himself. Granted, she used to fawn over Motoki every day, but that was way before their path to love.

He'd sat himself down once and pointed out all the reasons why he was being an idiot; Usagi was very much in love with him. He could feel it in the way she kissed. The way she reacted to his touch. He could see it in her eyes, those golden gates to her soul that was bound to his in lives' long love story.

Still, he couldn't understand her infatuation with Ami's new "bea"! Was that the word Minako had used? What did it even mean?

"What's wrong?" he asked as he touched her elbow slowly.

Usagi seemed to be pulled out of a dream. Her eyes were suddenly sharp and confused, "um, nothing. Sorry, I wasn't here for a moment."

Mamoru smiled and tried to catch her eyes, "that seems to be the thing with you lately. What's going on? Won't you tell me?" she avoided his eyes again.

Mamoru sighed and looked at his watch, "I have to get going Usako," he paused and braced his heart for her reaction.

Her usual reaction was an adorable pout and pools of sadness in her eyes. She'd try different methods to make him stay, "but I'm not done with my ice-cream yet," or, "I have to go to the ladies room. Can you hold my purse?" the silliest, most random excuses. He'd laugh after; if only she knew she didn't need to try that hard; he'd linger forever even if she didn't ask.

She stood up quickly and readjusted the strap of her shoulder bag, "okay, I'd better go then…"

Mamoru raised his eyebrows and pursed his lips together, "Okay…" he stood up as well and buried his hands in the pockets of his clean, ironed scrubs and if Usagi was her usual self, she'd notice his rigid posture.

She didn't!

He followed her to the main entrance. All the while staring at her from the side and trying to figure out what was going on.

When they reached the sliding doors Usagi faced him, "have a good day Mamo-chan. Save some lives," this had become her parting words every time she visited him at the hospital, and even though they'd laugh many times about the fact that he'd probably saved more lives as his alter ego, Usagi was still adamant to show her support of his chosen field in every way possible; playing "doctor" had rapidly become her favorite game as well!

"Usako…" Mamoru called after her. She turned around and whatever he wanted to say was lost in the unreadable look he saw on her face, "you forgot your flowers…" he said instead and then something clicked, "Oh, um…oops!" Usagi stretched her lips in embarrassment, "I forgot to buy them today! Silly me!"

Mamoru frowned but quickly gathered his wits, "okay. You can go to the shop on the way home I guess…" he paused and smiled, "have a good day as well."

She only smiled a fake smile (let's face it, when Usagi smiled for real, her whole face would turn up, not just the mouth! This, Mamoru reflected, was a -10 at best compared to her real smile!)

She'd only rounded the corner to the main street before she turned on her heels and did a mad dash back to the hospital. Mamoru was slowly going up the stairs, much slower than his usual gait, "Mamo-chan…" she was out of breath when she reached him and stopped at the foot of the stairs.

"Usako?" He almost lost his footing on the last step when he ran down, "what happened? Are you okay?"

"Why aren't you more romantic?"

Mamoru was a smart man. He was an honoured student during school and he graduated with high scores and golden recommendations. He knew he was smart; his peers knew he was smart; his friends knew he was smart! But at that very moment he started questioning his social intelligence for the millionth time!

"What?" he asked stupidly after a few moments of complete silence.

Usagi had finally caught her breathe and she was looking at him with a determination he'd only seen on Sailor Moon's face, "_Why_ _aren't you_ more romantic?" She repeated.

He still stared at her with a confused look and she sighed, "you know what, it doesn't matter," She could feel the sting of tears at the back of her eyelids and the last thing she wanted was to make a scene at Mamoru's place of work, "I'd better go…"

Mamoru's hand shot out and gripped her upper arm as if it was his lifeline, "wait a second," his voice was a little higher than he intended. He looked around embarrassed and then pulled Usagi to walk, "we need to talk. Come on…"

"It's okay Mamo-chan. We really don't need to…" Usagi protested. She regretted the words the moment they had come out of her mouth.

"It's not okay. And we do need to talk…" Mamoru said seriously while he pulled her behind him.

He opened a door and pulled Usagi inside, "aren't you late for your rounds?" Usagi said as she looked at him nervously.

He looked at his watch again, "Wait here. I'll be right back."

Usagi's first reaction was to flee! She could easily exit this room and run out of the hospital. But how stupid would that look? She started this and even though she didn't know what it was that she wanted to say to Mamoru, deep down she knew something was eating at her and she needed to let it out.

Mamoru returned rather quickly, "Okay, now…" he said as he closed the door behind him, "we are going to get to the bottom of this, whatever _this_ is, right now…" he stared at her with serious eyes, "tell me what's wrong. You have been acting strange lately. And I think I know what this is about, but I'd rather you tell me yourself," he folded his arms against his chest and looked at her as she fidgeted with the strap of her bag.

"It's nothing…really…I'm just…"

"Don't give me that Usagi…tell me what's going on…"

He rarely called her by her full name anymore. Come to think of it, he never did call her by her real name. "Odango" was still around, and had been around since the moment they'd met and "Usako"…well, that was the name Usagi lived for!

She tried to figure out how she wanted to phrase her next sentence. The words sounded silly in her head. Would he think her unmatured?

Mamoru sighed and walked towards her, "let me help you. You think I'm not romantic…"

An image of Ami and Hayate entered Usagi's mind; of them doing their duet song. Of the look Hayate was giving Ami as he twirled around her and sang his heart out!

Had Mamoru ever acted like that? Even a little? Fawn over her like she was the only woman in the world?

"Well…yes…" she said with a tiny pout and didn't meet his eyes. They were quiet for a few moments. Mamoru kept looking at her and patiently waited for her to start talking.

"You don't look at me like that…" she finally let go of the strap and looked up at him.

"Like what?" he asked, his eyes boring into her and making her feel exposed and vulnerable.

"Like the way Hayate-kun looks at Ami-chan…" she felt the tears again and scolded herself for her lack of confidence. They'd been together for years, you would think she'd be over her low self-confidence about their relationship.

"And how exactly does he look at Ami-chan?" Mamoru asked. His indifferent façade didn't show the turmoil and anger he felt inside. Why was she comparing their relationship now?

"Like… you know, like she's the only woman…the only person in the world," she looked away from him and gazed out the small window, "he just seems so…so…"

"What?"

"…interested, you know?" She looked back at him with widened eyes.

"No I don't know…" Mamoru sighed with frustration, "are you saying I'm not interested in you?"

"No…" she said louder, "it's just that, you never seem interested when I'm talking about something,"

"What?" Mamoru's eyes were much bigger than their usual size, "I'm not interested in…Usako, I…mmm," he ran a hand through his hair. He might've been smart in science, but apparently he was really bad at linguistics!

"Whenever I'm talking about something, you're just like..." Usagi looked straight ahead, her eyes nonchalant, "…this. Does this scream _interest_ to you?"

"Well excuse me and my unpleasant facial expressions!" Mamoru said angrily.

"It's not just that…you never do karaoke with me. You don't dance with me like, twirl me around and like…" she mimicked her "golden" couple's antics from the previous night, "like this. You don't just stare at me for long moments and…and…"

"And?"

"And you don't call me in the middle of the night anymore!"

Mamoru frowned with confusion and then despite himself, he started laughing.

He knew he was probably digging his own grave, rather quickly too, if the sound of Usagi's angry exhales were any indication!  
"Are you…laughing?" she asked darkly.

"No…I'm crying…" he shot back with sarcasm and before she could say anything else he continued, "when did I _ever_ call you in the middle of the night?"

Usagi seemed stunned for a second, "um…"

Mamoru raised an eyebrow and before a smirk clawed its way to his face Usagi frowned back, "well…why haven't you _ever_ called me in the middle of the night?"

"Because _that_ would win Tsukino-san's trust in a heartbeat!"

"No really, why don't you ever do something spontaneous?"

Mamoru's eyes sharpened, "you never just do something just because…you know? It always needs to have a reason with you…"

Usagi knew she was now just making up sentences. She felt sad and stressed inside, but for the life of her, she didn't know how to voice her feelings. She felt the rush of tears once more and in order to fight them, she stopped her tantrum.

Mamoru noticed the shine in her eyes, and no matter what Usagi thought of his "inattentiveness", he never missed one drop of tear when it came to her! So yeah, he didn't know when her birthday was (believe me, he learnt his lesson!) but when it came to emotions, contrary to what other people thought, Mamoru was quite observant.

"I'm not a man with many words Usako…" he started saying, "I'm not…I just don't have some reactions in me, but I resent the fact you think I'm not interested when you talk…"

He walked towards the little couch on the side and sat down, "to be completely honest, not everything we talk about might interest me…_which…" _ he held up his hand as soon as Usagi's eyes turned murderous, "in my opinion, is not a bad thing. I mean, are you _always_ interested in every little thing I say?"

Usagi's immediate thought was "yes", but then, Mamoru stared at her with that knowing look, the look that said "you might be able to fool anyone, but not me Usagi Tsukino. I know you too well". She exhaled sharply instead, "well?" Mamoru urged and when she still refused to answer, he continued, "see? Not everything I say might be interesting to you either. And that is totally fine Usako," he stood up and walked towards her, "when you talk about school, about your day, about…_anything_, you have my complete attention. But sometimes that attention might not be focused on the subject at hand, rather," he touched one of her pigtails, "it's focused on the tone of your voice…"

Usagi was bewildered, if the question mark on her face was proof enough, "sometimes, it's focused on your facial expressions," his hand moved from her pigtail to the side of her jawline and Usagi felt a rush of goosebumps at the back of her neck, "sometimes, it's focused on the way you play with your hair or your hands when you talk…" he moved closer to her, cautiously…timidly. Because upset Usagi was also known as "don't get any closer" Usagi.

She stood rooted where she was though. And when he cupped her face in his large, _warm_ hands, the question mark was subtly changing into something else. Relief, maybe?

"Sometimes, my focus it's just on _you. _The whole you…and…," he leaned his forehead against hers, "…that's the best part of our conversations…"

He smiled against her kiss. That tingling sensation he always felt when they kissed ran through him with more intensity; maybe because she had initiated the kiss? Or maybe because he wasn't prepared for it? She just straight up wound her arms around him and kissed him hard and passionate.

"My eyes are always seeking you…" Mamoru whispered when their lips parted, "I can't lie and say I'm always thinking about you Usako. But I can tell you this…" he pecked her lips and allowed the tiny sigh she let out to play with his heart, "just the thought of you can put a huge smile on my face. No matter how my day is going; no matter how lonely, stressed out or sad I might feel. It puts a smile on my face and it makes me feel…safe," he leaned his chin on the crown of her head.

They stood in each other's arms for a moment, before,

" 'You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly'"!

Usagi wiggled her head up and looked at him with a raised brow.

"What? Sam Keen said it!"

"That's a terrible quote Mamo-chan…and so inappropriate for our mood," she raised her other brow and shook her head.

Mamoru sighed and nodded with understanding, "What I'm trying to say Usako is that, our relationship might not be perfect and probably not how you fantasize about it, but…"

Usagi pulled herself out of his arms and nodded her head, "It doesn't need to be perfect…" she said and smiled; a real smile that reached her eyes and opened her soul for him to cherish, "sometimes I forget how far we've come, you know. I just forget that we've died to be together. And I forget that it doesn't matter how many times we die and come back to life, I would never change the course of my life, _lives,_ one bit. If it means not having you by my side…"

She yelped and laughed simultaneously when Mamoru pulled her violently against his body and kissed her full on the lips and oh so deeply.

He lifted her in his arms and Usagi moaned sharply when he looped her legs around his hips. Her eyes opened wide when she felt her back up against a wall, "you want spontaneous?" Mamoru growled against her ear and kissed the side of her neck, "Mamo-chan…" she whispered desperately.

He didn't pay any heed. His hands were roaming her body much like when they were in his apartment, _alone _and without a care for the world…

But here, the world was literally on the other side of the door and…his right hand cupped her breast and for a moment, Usagi thought about all the times Minako had had sex in a public place. Why couldn't they do the same thing?

"Because this is where he works you dumbass," a little voice said in her head and even though she knew she would regret this moment _for the rest of her life,_ she held Mamoru's face in her hands and pushed him away, "Mamo-chan…we can't…"

Mamoru's head fell on her shoulder with an unhappy groan and Usagi giggled. Because why wouldn't she?

You know those moments in life when you feel blessed?

When you are in a dull and messy on-call room, with a little window and white everywhere, and your hair is coming out of its odangos and the strap of your bra has fallen off your shoulder and the itching between your thighs is driving you crazy and you couldn't ask for a better moment in time to thank the universe for what you have?

Because the man you love, loves you back a million times and his eyes that seem distant and cold sometimes, heat up and burn when they land on you. Because even though he might not twirl you around while dancing, you know without a doubt that he will always be there to catch you when you spin and whirl without a care in the world.

Because stares and words and flirtatious pouts are nice, "_really nice", _Usagi thought, but when it came to the fluttering of the heart and feeling safe even when you feel vulnerable, she wouldn't change who _they_ were as a couple for the world.

And this feeling, she thought, this feeling was worth holding on to forever.

The End.

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_Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon or its fabulous characters in any way. All the delightful rights of this wonderful manga/anime and its characters belong to Naoko Takeuchi. I only own what I write. I only own the story I tell._


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